On the subject of subjects

Unsolicited email, spam, has morphed recently from a gnat-like nuisance to a fact of life more like chronic back pain. There are things you can do to mask the pain but no matter what you do, it's always there and you just have to deal with it. As the "cures" get better, so do the spammers and they try to hide from spam filters by misspelling keywords (like vi*agra and faarmacy) or inserting random words. They are also using what is called "social engineering." What this means is that they are inserting subject lines that make their messages look like legitimate emails when, in all actuality, the subject has nothing to do with the message content.

I get my own fair share of these messages with interesting subject lines but, as an email postmaster, I get to see the subject lines of some of the messages that generate delivery failures (due to full mailboxes and random addressing). Over the past six months or so, I have been collecting some of the better and more humorous subjects and thought I would share them with you. My comments are in italics.

Random words
dolphin 6 alchemists
walrus pixel buzzer [one of my favorites]
buzzard bubbles beyond 521
average teen duped
wedding dress clodhpppers living with 563 [I'm seeing a bride in army boots]
scooby snack 721 lunatics [anyone else hungry?]
handgun runaway mist
tomato 90 alchemists
wishbone continuum nell
gunflint tenacity shabby
judge haunches about 702
pig pen trombones toward 09 [pearls before swine?]
hamburg analogy committed [It's like beef... but not]
buzzard hands around 2
betrayer Need something? corrosive
orgiastic limpid snivel [That conjures up mental images that are just too weird for words]
swamp lunatics about 3609 [Sounds a lot like a Living Dead movie]
grain of sand 932 taxidemists
kin what time is good? mucus
wheelbarrow waifs living with 5 [Didn't Dickens write something about this one?]
snow lunatics behind 538
sharp-nosed and bare-headed, shouted
labyrinth maestros defined by 0
bullfrog fetishists beyond 942 [ew]
fire hydrant 631 bubble baths [woohoo! Sounds like fun!]
ball bearing trombones toward 9398
feed glint multiple
broom toll [That's okay... I just won't sweep]
E-Card from Esperanza backbone recession
expense corpuscular [Say that 3 times fast]

Things that don't sound random but really are
Energy can't taste this good [mmmm mmm]
message subject [You get an "A" for honesty]
fritz your email address [No thanks, I like it just the way it is]
traffic light 4 cowards
storming column of men [Run away! Run away!]
judge 78 gonads [This one's too small... this one's too big...]
egocentric halt
minivan 4 lunatics
don't be stupid, velma
little bottle eliminates traffic cameras [Maybe so but drinking and driving don't mix]
head, to the morgue
cracked tenor. this way
your friends will envy you [I doubt it]
New! viagra soft tabs [There's just something wrong with that statement]
yummy...dirty
of reticence and mysteriousness
Sean Matthews is pre-approved for this mastercard [great, I hope he gets it.]
Goodbye acne, hello klear skin [Can you say spellchecker?]
you should deal with your mental problems now [I do not suffer from insanity... I enjoy every minute of it.]
Antidote found in crocodiles
become thinner and paler [Yes, because that anorexic look is so IN these days]
sun broken to smithereens
clean-shaven face, began refusing
off his kefia, siezed
benches under the kremlin
cardboard was straight away
don't be a moron Elmer
News: this actually happened [I doubt it]
just can't ignore this email [Bet I can]

Combos
have you been caught by a photo cop yet? -vietnam exaggerate snowstorm [Sorry, my word processor sneezed]
The ultimate thrill ride-haggle crosshatch

Stuff that's just funny
Buffalo meat-think of it as a steak from a long-haired cow
charisma accusation analyst

I'll probably have more some time in the future. Until then, I'm sure I will get some really bizarre keyword hits from this.