The Stage Is Set

It has been a long week, to say the least. I have spent more hours awake than asleep and have discovered new levels of tired. Not exhausted, mind you, tired. There is some chemical, akin to adrenalin but without the rush, that has kept me going and pushed me forward when I yearned to just lay down and sleep... much to be done, much to be done - time for sleep later.

The family is surviving emotionally. Although there have been times here and there when someone lapses into mourning and the tears flow, no one has broken yet. Everyone has been kept so busy with details that there hasn't been time to allow the situation to reach full impact. So far we have been busy meeting with funeral directors, cemetary attendants, clergy, and family friends who drop by or call to check up. I took it upon myself to help with music and photographs for the memorial. I have spent much quality time with the photo printing/enlargement kiosk at Wal-Mart over the last three days.

For me, the whole thing has felt more like organizing a tribute than a memorial. Which, if you look at it right, isn't so far off. I'd rather think of it that way anyway but it strikes me odd when I think that Bud won't be there - at least not on this plane of existence - to participate.

One of the true testaments to the impact his life has had was that we had to move the service. The chapel at the funeral home holds about 125 people (150 if you pack them in) and we thought that would be adequate. We heard on Tuesday that the school where he teaches was expecting about 70 people to attend. That didn't count any of his students, anyone from the state office or any of his bowling buddies (he participated in several leagues). The funeral director had told us that the church up the street had a 500-seat chapel that they often allowed the funeral home to use so that's where we moved the service. Last night, my wife's brother commented that as avid a bowler as Bud was, wouldn't it be fitting if exactly 300 people showed up?

There are few elements left to handle, now. Some items still need to be taken to the chapel for display and some family is due later this morning but that's about it. The memorial is at 3 and the full weight of the situation is sure to hit. I will endeavor to remember and celebrate his life and be glad that I was part of it for the last 16 years. I try to think that, no matter what your belief - heaven and hell, reincarnation, ghosts, etc. - when we leave this world, we move on to live the next phase of our existence: like a reward for enduring this one.