Thursday, October 11, 2007

Hard Choices

Last night, JD started acting like he was feeling a little better. When I gave him the Prednisone, he ate about 1.5 hot dogs and a treat. After that, he seemed to settle down a little and not be so... beaten down.

This morning is different. He seems a little more active than when he came home from the vet but he's not really taking food. I tried to give him the pill stuffed into the end of a hot dog and he didn't want it. I fed him the pill straight. He took a 2" section of the hot dog and eventually ate it in "two sittings." He threw up a little this morning so I fed him a dramamine to see if that would help.

I am going to go get the other meds later this morning. I think they'll help.

Normally, him acting this way, I might just make the decision and let him be at peace. Maybe I'm being selfish but I'm just not ready to let him go. For one, I don't want to leave him here. I would feel like I abandoned him and would never feel like he was still with us if he died here. I'm also not prepared mentally. With Baron, I had a long time to get used to the idea. I watched him slow down over time and have problems with arthritis and I knew it was his time. But two weeks ago, JD was a happy, vibrant puppy wiggling his whole body when he wanted to go outside.

I know this type of thing doesn't happen overnight. I'm sure this has been developing since before we came to Boise but it manifested so quickly and he seems to be getting worse and it's happening so quickly. I figured if one of the animals didn't make it home, it would be Nikita. I would miss her but, as with Baron, I have watched her get old and slow down. She doesn't seem ready to go yet but if this sort of thing happened to her, I would be more accepting.

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