Monday, July 09, 2007

TANSTAAFL*

In my search for permanent full-time employment, I was enticed by an add on Careerbuilder.com entitled "Microsoft/Cisco Internships - $30,000 to $72,000." The advertisement basically stated that they would pay to train you, then place you in an internship paying $30,000 to $72,000 per year.

I received a call today that I had been conditionally accepted and an application packet was being sent via email. The call ended with, "be sure to read the disclaimer." Oh, I read it alright.

The first thing they hit you with is the internship will "give you the technical skills, certification and work experience to fast track your career to mid to senior level positions making $60,000 to over $100,000 per year...." Then they boast that, "If you are accepted, we will invest over $15,000 in...training."

Translation: You can make a lot of money and we're going to invest a lot of money in training... just because you're such a good guy!

Then, you find out that "your compensation and position will be determined by your performance during your remote training and the 1 week LAN/WAN engineer camp." All but the top individual (1 person) will receive $2,500/month during the first nine months of the internship. Top dog gets $3,000/month. Bottom half jumps up to $4,000/month for the last three months, top half jumps to $5,000/month and top dog gets $6,000/month. That doesn't sound so bad until you think that, as top of your class with ten certifications under your belt, over the course of twelve months, you gross $45,000 (that's a far cry from $72,000). If you're in the bottom half of the class, that plummets to $34,500.

Keep in mind, also, two things here. First, chances are you will be contractually obligated to complete a year of servitude to this company. You become VERY cheap labor. Second, when the internship has completed and you have served your twelve months, they are under no further obligation to you. The assumption is that you will be highly certified and have a year of experience, which makes you a highly desirable candidate, but that does not guarantee that you'll be offered a job. You could still end up flipping burgers. Not that there's anything wrong with that but chances are you won't be grossing $60K-$100K+ performing the duties of that job.

Continuing with the pitch, they outline the training program. You will be given six weeks of remote training, followed by 12 weeks more of remote training, (both of which are self-paced, self-study??) then a one week "intensive, full immersion LAN/WAN engineer camp." Now, that's nineteen weeks of training you will be put through and won't be paid a dime for. Yes, that's approximately five months with zero income from the program.

Next, just in case you've figured that out before flipping the page, they reinforce you with greed by telling you about career opportunities and job growth statistics. I skipped that section.

So, how's this really going to work? Well, first, you have to fill out an application and fax it back to us with your credit card information so we can process the $95 application fee. They do say the fee is "fully refundable if you are not accepted." Of course you're going to be accepted...there's more to this journey.

"Candidates initially accepted will receive 6 weeks of network administrator remote training valued at $3,995 for FREE." Hmmmm...that looks like a four letter word to me. Oh, look. After the initial six weeks, I can cancel the relationship with no additional obligation. So, if I'm satisfied with training that gets me certified as an MCP, MCSA 2003, MCSA Messaging and a CMNA, I can just walk away...The $3,995 worth of training is mine to keep as their FREE gift.

Wait, there's fine print... "Please note that you will be responsible for the following hard costs: Registration and setup fee of $295, shipping and handling fee of $49, Microsoft certification exam fees of $125 per exam for 4 exams and the CMNA hands-on exam at $250." Wow, that's $1,189 (including the $95 application fee) for my "FREE" training. ... Interesting, when I go back a read that sentence, it does not say that I am responsible for those costs only if I cancel. I wonder if everyone has to pay for their FREE training?

So, what happens next? "Within 2-24 weeks of...completion of the...camp and full certification, you will be assigned to a...partner...in your region." 2 to 24 weeks!? If I factor in the 19 weeks of training, that's potentially approximately eleven months with no income from the program.

That's a hell of an expensive "paid" internship.

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*There Aint No Such Thing As A Free Lunch (Robert A. Heinlein)

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