Trapped

I checked my unemployment status the other day and learned that I have a sum total of $64 of benefit left. This Sunday will be the last time I will file a weekly claim and get a check from the state of Oklahoma. I have several applications pending but no inclination that any of them will resolve with me getting a job. So far, the application to interview ratio is 20 to 1. I have completed approximately sixty applications and have had three interviews.

The wife is doing okay with her job but it turns out it is not what she expected. She believed it would be a grant accountant with some departmental responsibilities but it is a departmental accountant with some grant responsibilities. It doesn't sound like much of a distinction but, trust me, it is.

Money is a constant source of stress. Luckily, it is not a source of conflict between us. We do what we can but every month the hole gets deeper and deeper. We have considered bankruptcy but we have to decide on the disposition of our house first. If we were to file now we would lose it to our creditors because it is not our primary residence. If we decide to sell it, I heard recently that the national average for a home being on the market is 9.5 months. It is a drain on our resources and a strain on relationships with friends and family still in the area. But it is more than an asset - it is a refuge should this "adventure" not work out. We are working to rent it but that has proven to also be a very slow process.

More than once, each of us has expressed the desire to "go home." Neither of us really cares for Boise. I can't say exactly why but neither of us has settled in at all over the past six months. The wife is not unhappy with her job but is also not thrilled with it either. I am at the end of my resources and where I used to be able to take up slack, I cannot. I must simply sit by and watch the line continue to loosen. I try but the events that must transpire are out of my control.

Since the day we arrived, life in Boise has been a struggle. Neither of us is happy with our residence (I cried the moment I walked in), the utilities are constantly overdue, the weather is excruciatingly boring (I was in utter delight when it rained for 3 or 4 hours the other day), the restaurants suck for the most part, neither of us has made any true friends, and we're 1400 miles away from the people we really care about. We would love to pack up a U-Haul and just go home but we can't.

At "home" there is nothing for us right now except a house that would be in danger of foreclosure within three months. For the wife to leave this behind, she would have to repay the $4,000 in moving expenses that were provided to her (6 more months and that restriction goes away). We cannot seem to move forward and we are unable to move back. We are trapped, at least for now. Were I to win the lottery, I would pay off the creditors who call throughout the day, fly home and make some improvements on the house to make it more rentable, pay back debts we owe to family (and they are significant), and go back to school to update my skills and certifications so I can more easily obtain a career in the field that I love. But I think I have more chance of being struck by lightning in this drought-stricken desert than making that happen.

For now, I will increase my hours of availability at the part-time gig, keep applying for jobs here and in Oklahoma and Kansas City, and buy a lottery ticket once in a while.