Thursday, April 14, 2011

Fuck You, Todd

I was recently listening to a discussion about bullying and the psychology of bullying and it brought a few memories to mind. When I was in second and third grade, my arch-nemesis was Todd F. (last name withheld to protect the bullying bastard). On an almost daily basis he would ridicule me at school and push me around. It was nothing like what you hear about today but he was the kid I always wanted to avoid.

He lived in the same general area that I did so it meant we took a similar route getting to and from school. I don't recall running into him while walking to school but I dreaded the days I was walking home alone and encountered him. I could guarantee getting my path blocked, getting called names, being belittled and there was a high probability I would get kicked in the nuts.

Yep, just for the hell of it, this little prick would delay my journey home just to kick me in the balls and laugh at my weakness as I collapsed in agony. When I transferred schools in the fourth grade he was one acquaintance I was glad to leave behind.

Fast forward to my sophomore year in college. I'm sitting in one of my core classes on the first day and the instructor starts to take roll. Suddenly, I heard his name. A sudden wave of contempt flooded my being. Could this be the same Todd F. who had tortured me those many years ago? I listened for the response but I was sitting behind him and couldn't see his face. Through the entire class I obsessed over keeping an eye on him as we egressed in order to get a look at his face.

As we were dismissed I leapt from my seat to make my way to an appropriate vantage point. When I did see his face it didn't look familiar to me but he certainly looked like the smug, overly self-confident, arrogant type. He exuded that "We are not equal. I am better than you." attitude. Or maybe it was just my past coloring my attitude.

I wondered to myself what I might do if he approached me. I wondered whether I should confront him. I wanted to tell him off. I wanted to tell him how much of a goddamsonofabitchdumbastard he was. I wanted... to punch him in the nose. But I didn't.

After a few classes this asshole/man with an unfortunate name faded into the background. He may have dropped the class. He may have finished it. I don't know. I really don't care. But if I should ever encounter the verifiable Todd F. from my childhood I won't punch him. But I will tell him how I still hate him.

1 comment:

Aunt Murry said...

Wow. I have a whole list of girls and one boy who made elementary school hell. I was glad to go to Carver where I was accepted for who I was.