Early Morning Ramblings On Economics And The Existence Of God

I once watched a Joel Osteen sermon on television. My takeaway from the sermon was that God wanted for me the blessing of abundance but that the abundance would be delivered on God's schedule, not mine. It was inspiring, to be sure, but its message fades against the fabric of reality.

I look at the United States, one of if not the most abundant countries in the world, and wonder if God might not be hoarding his abundance. I speak from a personal perspective but also from the macro perspective. To be fair, God has always provided me and my family enough but when I look at the imbalance - the distribution of wealth, the wage gap, racism, sexism - I can't reconcile it.

I have heard that somewhere between six and eight families control 80-90% of the wealth in the United States and that the number of families living below the poverty line increases at an alarming rate every year. How can we sustain that? How have we sustained that for so long? I look at modern politics and modern economics and think that some day it all has to reach a critical mass and that day will come sooner than later. I fear that day. I fear that day because the preshocks have already occurred - The Great Depression, the dot com bubble, the housing bubble. Those were bad enough but I fear the tear that is occurring today will swallow us when the big one hits. It's not just the United States that will suffer. The global economy is so intertwined that the collapse of such a major power would destroy so much more than itself.

I am not a biblical scholar by any sense of the word. What I know of scripture is merely bits and pieces and stories. Religion is the source of my morality. My view of the Bible and scripture is more about that sense of right and wrong than of specific words. I thought I might include some bit of scripture here to play off of but I don't know the text well enough to locate anything that might closely express my sentiment.

Here's my point: If God so wants abundance for us all, why does it not seem that His abundance is being dispersed?

Is it because of the love of money in the hearts of those six to eight families? Are they, and not God, hoarding the abundance? How shall they be judged?

Is it because of a lack of faith? I want to believe in God but humanity makes faithfulness difficult. Between terrorist activities, greed, political corruption, broad-spectrum hate speech from religious groups (I'm thinking specifically of Westboro Baptist but there are other groups and other forms), abuse by and morally abhorrent behavior of "men of God," and universal (meaning enacted by the universe, not necessarily widespread) bullshit, there are times I consider atheism as much as agnosticism.

Is it because we have all deviated so far from the word of God? We lend and borrow and spend and acquire so much that we're forced to operate within a system that is inherently corrupt.

Is it because there is no God? The words in the Bible are written by the hands of men. Modern society is so far removed from that time and we have enough inaccuracy and controversy in the recording of our own history, how can we trust a book written so long ago and translated at least twice to present it in a living language? How many "versions" of the Bible are there, anyway? If the words are so divine, shouldn't there only be one? I mean, it's not like there's King James, New International, and modern paraphrased versions of Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone.

Where is the modern savior who will take it upon himself to drive the merchants and money exchangers from the temple? I'm not talking about the second coming or anything but of the person of power and influence who screams, "Enough!" I mean, look what happened in the mortgage collapse. Banks, actually those that run banks, knowingly sold services based on false pretenses and incorrect assumptions. They fleeced the public into believing they could get so much more for so much less. It was only a matter of time before those lies, and the economic repercussions of them, caused the shitstorm that they did. And what were the consequences? Money from the federal government (you and I) to bail them out of the situation they put themselves in and the reward to their leaders of bonuses so large that the average person does not even have a frame of reference for that level of disbursement.

If one person is not enough to effect such change, why are groups of people not rising up? We certainly should but we can't seem to even care enough to overturn our own congress. I think the reason that the last five presidents have served two terms is that it's easier for people to handle. It's not because they are great men but that they are the devil we know.

Where am I going with this? I don't really know. I woke up at 4 am with it rattling around in my head and had to get it out into the universe so I could go back to sleep (maybe).

Losing My Religion

I think it was Christmas about 8 or 10 years ago. I sat in a midnight mass at a Catholic church in Kansas City with my parents, my brother and sister and my wife. The priest stood at the altar and straightforward pointed out contradictions in The Bible. I don't recall what those contradictions were, exactly, just that they existed. I'm pretty sure that his point was to explain why those contradictions existed and what they meant but my mind locked on the existence of these contradictions. It was then, ironically on Christmas day, that my distaste for the church took firm root and began to grow.

I want you to note that I did not say I had a distaste for God or Jesus or The Bible or religion itself. I have come to think of myself as a Christian agnostic. I believe in God or a supreme being by whatever name you wish to attach. There are too many mysteries and everyday miracles in life and evolution for me to believe otherwise. I believe in Jesus Christ and that he is of God and that he performed miracles and was tortured and died so that we might live.

For some reason I find it hard to write that he is our savior - my savior - and only through him can we be accepted into heaven. In my core I think I believe that but maybe I've spent too many years distant from God. Maybe I am trying not to offend. Maybe the Catholic in me (I was raised in the Catholic church) doesn't want my dad to hear me talking like that. Catholics aren't big on witnessing.

I began to think about The Bible. The books of The Bible were written so long ago in a language so forgotten that in order to read them we had to find a tablet translating them into a language we knew. As anyone who has studied a foreign language knows, there's always something lost. It can be as overt as a misinterpreted word or as hidden as a lack of requisite word in the destination language that captures the nuanced connotation of the original word. Then I started thinking about the different versions, or translations, of The Bible. One source I found said there are 233 in the English language alone. A few of the major versions are the New International Version, The King James Version, and The New American Standard Bible. Then there are paraphrased versions. I once looked at one of those and Psalm 23 read, "even though I walk through the valley of the shadow, I am not afraid." Wouldn't you agree that saying it that way waters it down quite a bit?

My biggest problem, however, is the variations in organized religions. Catholic, Baptist, Protestant, Lutheran, Methodist, Episcopalian, Mormon, 7th Day Adventists, Jehovah's Witness... These are really what I turned my back on. Some of them say they are the one true religion and that people from certain other religions are going to hell because of their beliefs. I can't abide that.

When we moved to Boise, Idaho in April of 2007 our apartment was just down the street from a Catholic church. I went a couple of times while we were there - and I won't go into my thought processes during the 6 months we were in Idaho, it would take too long - but haven't stepped foot in a church of any type since we returned almost six years ago. And that includes Christmas and Easter.

But today I went to church.

In the years leading up to and since our temporary relocation to Idaho we have had one financial (and emotional) crisis after another. Our savings has been depleted and we live moment to moment some days. A paycheck just means we get to come back to zero for a little while. Don't get me wrong, we're not destitute but, for the most part, we merely exist. Even the simplest of excursions - say, to see my parents 300 miles away - requires careful planning and saving and sacrifice. As a temporary measure this wouldn't be so bad but it's been going on for more than six years. It wears you down.

I used to pray to God for "enough" and he has treated us well in providing that. But lately "enough" just doesn't bring the inner peace that I know God can provide. So I have prayed. I have asked God to lift us up and to help my wife to find a job (she's experienced, educated, and good at what she does but nearly 3 years of intense effort has yielded almost nothing), and to bring us enough wealth and good fortune to bring that inner peace and allow us to visit family and friends without worry or major sacrifice, and to share our good fortune with those in need.

And God answered. He said to me that in order for him to help me all I needed to do was to devote some time to Him. To learn about Him and keep His message flowing to me and through me. And I asked God where I should do that. I asked him about the conflict He knew I already had in my heart. I resisted him with my confusion and he finally said to me what I needed to hear. God told me that it doesn't matter where I go or what teacher I listen to. It just matters that I devote my time and my heart to Him. Listen to His message, in whatever form it takes, and allow Him to shape it in my ears and my mind and in my heart into the truth and understanding.

For the first time in twenty years or more I am planning to go to church again next Sunday. The church I went to today was not the church for me and I may visit several congregations before I find that one where I feel I belong. But I was there. I gave time to God and I need to continue to give God his time so that I may know Him and he may know me in order to allow him to fulfill my needs according to his plan.

The Passing Of A Legend (in his own mind at the very least)

I heard today that Oral Roberts passed away yesterday at the age of 91. I mention this not because I was a follower or a fan but because I grew up in Tulsa, OK where Roberts' ministry is based. Tulsa is also the home of Oral Roberts University.

When I was growing up, Oral Roberts had an evangelical broadcast every Sunday. I don't know if it was syndicated* or not but I never watched. The reason I remember the man is that he had a way of extending his reach beyond the Sunday Broadcast.

Roberts was one of the first televised evangelical preachers. Most of what I remember about his broadcasts was that he often talked about faith healing, which I believe is possible but not to the extent he claims - especially not what he claimed personal responsibility for, and appeals for money. I think it was him that I once heard say, with closed eyes and face toward heaven, "I feel
someone's arm healing. Someone who is listening tonight. Someone in the audience has an arm that is feeling better. I want you to reach that arm deep into your pocket..." In all honesty, I cannot tell you if the part about reaching deep into the pocket was real or not (the first part was and similar proclamations were common) or if it was inserted into my memory by my opinion of him.

Four things about his ministry stand out in my mind. One of them relates to his son, Richard, but we'll get to that in a moment.

First is Oral Roberts University. The university in and of itself is not terribly remarkable but the campus has one interesting feature: The Prayer Tower. The Prayer Tower stands prominently in the center of campus like a miniature space needle. It is visually interesting (click the link for a picture) but I once had the opportunity to see beyond its decorative purpose.

During a church retreat, presumably in an effort to learn more about other religions, we took a tour of the prayer tower. We went up into it and saw that the outer edge is lined with rooms (prayer rooms) into which Pilgrims (for lack of a better word) can go to pray. The unusual part was that there were phones outside each room that visitors could pick up to listen to the pilgrim praying and, I would think, join in. I guess for the faithful it is something important but it has always stuck in my mind as weird.

Second is the City of Faith hospital. The hospital was wrought with controversy before ground was ever broken. The hospital was built adjacent to the university campus. The city council noted that, at the time, there was not a need for a medical facility in that area of town and made requests that it be relocated to a more appropriate section. Roberts apparently needed to have his creation close to home base. (check the link, it has some information on the events that Tulsans got to poke fun at while the CoF was being built - including the infamous 900-foot Jesus)

The hospital tower itself is beautiful. Its golden facade stands tall and shines in the sun. It can easily be seen from several miles away when traveling NE on interstate 44 from Oklahoma City. I once had an opportunity to go inside (I think on the same church retreat) the lobby while it was still operating as a hospital and it was a monument to true opulence and excess. At the time, the 60-story center tower was only complete up to the 32nd floor or so and the 60th story was complete but everything in between was still under construction. If memory serves, those floors never were completed while it was a hospital.

Now, the CityPlex Towers are mostly office space but they once housed the Tulsa office of Cancer Treatment Centers of America which, in my opinion, did more good overall than the hospital ever did.

Within six years, the City of Faith was bleeding money and Roberts told his television audience that he had had a vision that if he did not raise $8 million by a certain date, God was going to "call him home," meaning he was going to die (this was event #3). The fundraising was down to the wire but an anonymous donor pledged the remaining amount. I don't remember the actual amount but it was significant. And, yes, he had that kind of power over people. Some Tulsans wanted his efforts to fail just to see whether or not his vision was true. Being as he reached the age of 91, I guess God wasn't near as ready to call Oral home as he had thought.

Finally Oral's son, Richard Roberts, president of Oral Roberts University at the time, was accused of misuse of university assets (money). I recall seeing a television interview with him regarding his expenditures (which may not have been related to the ORU scandal). The reporter asked Richard why, if the ministry was in need of money (which they were constantly asking for), was he building a multi-million dollar mansion? Richard's response was that a member of the congregation had donated the funds to build the house. The reporter countered by asking why Roberts had not requested that the money be put into the ministry rather than a house that he did not need. Roberts just insisted that the money was specifically for the house. This went back and forth a bit but the gist of it that I came away with was Roberts saying, "But it's MY money."

There are many other stories and jokes and incidents I could relate but let's just say it was interesting growing up in the midst of all of this.

To all of Roberts' followers: I do not belittle the man's passing. He was somebody's husband, father, friend, leader and inspiration. He will be missed. It is not my intention to shed a negative light on him but to share my memories of him and his ministry which tend, unfortunately, to be largely cynical. I am certain that he did good works and there are people in this world today that wouldn't be where they are without him. That just isn't the side of him to which I was exposed.

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* I accidentally misspelled that sindicated - I found it somewhat Freudian.

Plodding Along

I'm just trying to move through the days at the moment. The school semester is starting to settle in which is evening out my workload but making it no less light (read that as there's plenty of work but fewer crises). I am learning a lot more about how things operate and need to operate than I did in the last year. Moving my desk out into the main area was a good thing even if it did raise my stress level a bit.

I talked to my friend who is getting married and he assures me that he has an officiate lined up. The ULC idea is still in the back of my head as a "just in case" but it's more likely that I won't do it now than I will. Part of the reason I don't is because I don't feel... devoted?... enough to be considered clergy but I am "religious" enough that it's not an empty title to be taken on as a joke or convenience. Yeah, I'm a bit spiritually confused at this stage in my life.

Some day soon I need to get back to telling my stories. I think once I have this trip/wedding out of the way work will also be settled down enough that I can shift my focus to other things.

Do Only That Which Is Right

Although my father would almost assuredly cringe at the thought, I have been thinking about being ordained in the Universal Life Church. That's the internet church that you basically give your name and email to, like you were signing up for Facebook or something, and Ta-Da! you're clergy. I have thought about it before as a lark (for $12 you can get a certificate saying you're a "Reverend of Rock 'n Roll" or one of several other official- and not-so-official-sounding titles - I kind-of like "Universal Philosopher of Absolute Reality") but backed out because it seemed somewhat sacrilegious.

So, why am I thinking about it again? I have a friend who is getting married. In two weeks. In the middle of nowhere. In Wyoming. And based on other indicators, I'm not sure he has exactly secured an officiator for this ceremony. I am driving out there with a mutual friend in a straight shot, we're going to crash in a hotel room for the night, attend the ceremony, then do a straight shot back to Oklahoma. If I'm going to go through all that trouble, I want to make SURE this thing happens even if I have to officiate it myself. As such, my ordination would not be for any spiritual reason, really, but only so I could legally solemnize the/a wedding. Of course, what I do with it from there... who knows?

The White Man Is The DEVIL

Yes. I said it. The White Man is the devil.

Consider this. The genes for dark skin pigmentation are dominant genes. Knowing that fact, it could be said that white people have been cleansed of their color so they could be recognizable for their lack of holiness. This is why African-Americans have such strong religious ties and such deep faith. The White Man must work harder to earn his place in Heaven because his mark of holiness has been removed.

That is why The White Man has so often treated those who were not white as lesser men. The White Man is angry that these people are obviously of the chosen. It is right there for everyone to see. The White Man desires to punish God for cleansing him of his rightful inheritance and therefore punishes those who bear the mark of God in their very skin.

The White Man is responsible for perpetuating slavery. The White Man is responsible for perpetuating racism. The White Man's actions throughout history cover five of the seven deadly sins. The White Man envies the chosen for their favored status with God. The White Man has perfected greed and extravagance to an art form.

And what of pride/vanity? The Bible says that God made man in his own image. But I say that The White Man has made God in his own image. Jesus was born in Bethlehem. Bethlehem is in the Middle East. Have you ever seen Jesus depicted with Middle Eastern features? Have you ever seen Jesus depicted as a Hispanic? Have you ever seen Jesus depicted as an Oriental/Asian? Have you ever seen Jesus depicted as an African? I never have. I have only ever seen Jesus depicted as a Caucasian. How audacious is that? And let's not even get started on The White Man rewriting history to glorify himself.

I could rant on but I have run out of steam. This came out of a comment a friend made on a social networking site about "how 'off the mark' our notion of Jesus can be." It started as a bit of satirical commentary but I have come to see so many contradictions (one even pointed out by a priest during a Christmas mass!) within and between modern religions and so many updated interpretations (check the Wikipedia entry for the Seven Deadly Sins) that it's hard to know what to believe. It's hard to know in what to put my faith. It's why I don't go to church.

I believe in God. I believe in Jesus. I have faith that God has a plan for me and that plan will unfold in God's time, not mine. Maybe not going to church is hampering my faith. How can I learn if I don't seek to be taught? But is it teaching or is it brainwashing? I mean, have you ever seen a Catholic mass? All the standing and sitting and kneeling and canned group responses to prompts from the priest like so many zombies. It's creepy when you really look at it.

I mean, for crying out loud, L. Ron Hubbard made up a religion on a dare and people take it seriously. I'm not saying they're wrong but who's to say who is right? Are the Catholics right because they look down upon the Baptists for their gathering and display of wealth rather than investing in philanthropic endeavors? Are the Baptists right for believing that Catholics are going to Hell because they aren't baptized as adults and don't profess that Jesus is their personal Lord and savior? Is the man on the corner right who preaches that Heaven is a chocolate choo-choo train and God is its monkey conductor? The one truth I can put my faith in is that when I cast off this mortal shell and my spirit moves on to the next plane of existence - when I go to meet God - I will learn what, exactly, is beyond this Earthly existence.

I don't know why this spark lit such a fire. I think it has been smoldering inside me for some time now but I have been unable or unwilling to put it into words. I don't even know what it really means now that I have put it into words. Maybe I should seek answers. Or should I wait for God to reveal them to me? Do you see my confusion?

Comments. PLEASE. I want to know what you think. Even if you just thought my opening was kinda fun (or kinda scary).

Thank You Note

Dear God,

I wanted to take some time to thank you for all the many blessings I enjoy. First and foremost, I thank you for my family - even the ones I gripe about sometimes or I think are foolish. I realize that I grew up in a very stable environment and still have people around me who love me unconditionally.

Thank you for making my brother's kids so smart. It surprises me some days because it could so easily have gone the other way. But then I look at those people who love me unconditionally and realize they had a lot to do with that success just like they did with me.

Thank you for letting me win the microSD card in the Sprite Backup contest. I was wondering what I was going to do with it since I already have a card with the same capacity and you send me another gift by making me the winner of a Pantech Matrix Pro. Now I have a data card and a phone to use it in.

Finally, thank you for letting me lose my driver's license. Seriously. I went down to the tag agency in the middle of the month on a Tuesday so there was very little wait. Then, I find out my DL was expiring this month anyway and it would have been a real hassle to have to take my birth certificate down to the DMV testing center and take the test because my license expired. First they stopped sending out notifications, then they started penalizing people if they let it expire by making them jump through hoops and take a test. Thank you for sparing me that stress.

I know I don't say it very often but I thank you every day. I have truly led a blessed life. My grandmother Fusco is still praying for me, isn't she?

Sincerely,
Joe

Journey Of Faith

A couple of days ago, I posed the question, "What the hell am I doing in Boise, Idaho?" At the beginning of that journey... this journey, really, I prayed to God for clarity and my direction was made clear. But now I wait.

I would hazard a guess that I have prayed to God more in the past month than I have in the past ten years. I ask for his guidance, I ask for his assistance, I ask for his peace. I wait for the answers and I search for clarity. I have become discouraged because I feel Him saying, "Patience. When the time is right, it shall be." I pray for patience but it is lost so easily.

This morning, I decided I needed to go to church. It seems superstitious but the last time I went, I received a call for an interview the following Wednesday. It was for this, and another reason, that I went.

You see, I believe in God. I believe that Jesus died for our sins, rose from the dead, and only through Him can we be saved - I have accepted Jesus as my personal Lord and Savior. What I have trouble with is organized religion. Each and every religion believes they are right, the others are wrong, and "if you don't believe as we do, you will burn in hell."

Without going into a lot of detail, suffice it to say that I have been struggling with this lately and it has been included in my prayers. For me, the answer came as, "I know what is truly in your heart. The place you choose to worship does not matter, only that you set aside time for Me." So I went to church this morning, and I received a message.

The second reading this morning was Hebrews 11:1-19, part of which (versus 8-9) says, "By faith Abraham, when called to go to a place he would later receive as his inheritance, obeyed and went, even though he did not know where he was going. By faith he made his home in the promised land like a stranger in a foreign country..." When the Homily came around, the priest talked about these journeys of faith, perhaps, being smaller in scope but just as important. For me, it had literal meaning.

Not being familiar with the reference to Abraham's journey, I did something tonight I have never done before in my life. I got out my bible and went on a search for meaning. I eventually turned to the internet to speed up my search and found Genesis 12.

The LORD had said to Abram, "Leave your country, your people and your father's household and go to the land I will show you."... So Abram left, as the LORD had told him...He took his wife Sarai, his nephew Lot, all the possessions they had accumulated..., and they set out for the land of Canaan....

And so it is for me. Through signs of clarity, the Lord said to me, "Leave your state, your people, and your home and go to the land I will show you." Just as Abraham, I left all that I knew for a land I had never seen and I did it all on faith.

Though I may become discouraged from time to time, I now understand that I must allow God to work His plan in His time and as long as I remain faithful, I shall receive the reward He has for me.

Prayer For Tomorrow

Dear God,

I give to you all of my problems and worries so that I may rest easy tonight. I shall not concern myself with tomorrow because I know that tomorrow will take care of itself. I ask only that you give me the strength and knowledge and guidance to handle whatever tomorrow brings.

Amen